Healing
by illuminez
Summary: Time may heal all wounds, but there are some things that one never forgets. Spoilers; VashxMillie (Yes, you read that right!) pairing. Also, hints of past WolfwoodxMillie and WolfwoodxVash, as well as a bit of Meryl+Vash. Warning for shounen-ai hints.


Disclaimer: Trigun and all its associated characters do not belong to me. I gain no monetary profit from this fic. 

Summary: Time may heal all wounds, but there are some things that one never forgets. Spoilers; VashxMillie (Yes, you read that right!) pairing. Also, hints of past WolfwoodxMillie and WolfwoodxVash, as well as a bit of Meryl+Vash. Warning for shounen-ai hints. 

_Healing_

by illuminez 

It has been two years since Nicholas D. Wolfwood died. 

Sometimes, Millie Thompson still cries at night, when nobody else is around...when she can drop the masks and not have to be happy-go-lucky, not-a-care-in-the-world Millie. 

When she doesn't have to pretend that she didn't lose someone very precious to her. 

~*~

During the day, Millie must act normal; she smiles and laughs so that _sempai_ and Vash-san will not worry about her. Her smiles are a little too bright, her laughter a little too forced. Meryl is peripherally aware that something is wrong, but she is not very sure what that something is. Millie cheerfully assures her _sempai_ that everything is fine, and tries her best to ignore the empty ache inside. 

Vash has been a tower of strength for Millie. Somehow, he seems to _**know**_...know just why she's hurting, but also understand that she cannot let the pretense slip, or she might not ever be able to smile again. Sometimes, he looks at her, not with pity - Millie does not want pity - but with _**empathy**_, and she feels a pang deep inside her, realising that someone actually _**understands**_ - and shares - her pain. 

She does not really question how Vash can understand. She knows, always knew - even while she and Nicholas flirted; even before they shared a bed - that Nicholas and Vash were close. Maybe their feelings for each other even went a little beyond mere friendship; she does not know, and does not ask. She does not begrudge them their feelings; it is enough to know that Nicholas cared for her. 

Millie, Meryl and Vash still travel together. They initially passed a few uneventful months in a small, quiet town to see to Knives' recuperation after Vash fought him; now, Knives is better, and has decided to continue staying in that town. A sedentary lifestyle does not suit Vash; after ensuring his brother is okay, he continues on his travels. He still visits his brother every now and then. 

Sometimes, Millie and Vash go for a drink together in whatever town they happen to be staying in at the time. They do not make much conversation, but sit in quiet companionship. They never mention **_his_** name, although each knows that they are both thinking about the same person. They do not drink enough to get drunk. Not anymore. 

~*~

A few more months pass, and Meryl finally works up the nerve to tell Vash about her growing feelings for him. Vash is gentle and understanding; he takes her hands in his, and tells her how sorry he is that he cannot return those feelings. There is guilt in his eyes as Meryl turns away, biting her lip and telling herself not to cry. 

Millie finds Meryl in tears, in the room of the inn that they are currently staying in. She hugs Meryl and comforts her as best as she can, but she cannot bring herself to scold Vash for hurting her _sempai_ because she understands why he cannot love Meryl the way she loves him. 

~*~

Much of Millie's time over the next couple of months is spent with Meryl. Millie tells Meryl about her family and her life back home, and Meryl tells Millie about her hopes and dreams for the future. The two girls grow closer, and find that talking to each other helps to keep their minds off more depressing subject matter. Millie still meets Vash for a drink every few days. They talk a little more now. Meryl and Vash do not talk much anymore. 

Meryl confides to Millie that she and Vash are not very comfortable around each other anymore. She tells Millie that she plans to write back to the Bernadelli Insurance Society and request a transfer to another assignment, and asks if Millie minds. 

Millie is a little sad that her _sempai_ will be leaving, but she recognises that it is all for the best. Tackling this assignment alone will not be a problem; things have become much quieter since Vash settled things with his brother. Millie envelops Meryl in a bear hug, and tells her to be sure to write regularly. 

~*~

Vash initially blames himself for Meryl's departure, but Millie tells him that it is not his fault. Millie and Vash continue to travel together. 

One night, they are in a bar again. Millie tells Vash about the latest letter she has received from Meryl, who is currently working at the main branch of the Bernadelli Insurance Society, and is dating a guy from the office. Vash says that he is glad; Meryl deserves someone better than him, someone who can love her with all his heart. 

Millie has no reply to this. 

After a pause, Vash continues. He looks sad. 

_I **did** love Nicholas, you know...and I know you did as well._

Millie feels something inside her break. The tears, now that they have started, do not seem like they will ever stop. Vash holds her as she cries, and murmurs soothing words in her ear. 

They have never directly talked about Nicholas before this. Now that they have brought their grief out into the open...they can begin the process of healing. 

~*~

In the following months, Millie and Vash grow much closer. Their trips to the bar become more frequent, and soon they skip the bar entirely and just sit in either of their rooms and talk. 

They speak of Nicholas a lot. Millie tells Vash about how Nicholas used to flirt with her; Vash tells Millie about how Nicholas nicknamed him _'tongari'_. Millie speaks of the tender way Nicholas kissed her; Vash tells her how Nicholas, despite disagreeing with him, finally chose to live by Vash's ideals...and died upholding those ideals. 

He blames himself for Nicholas' death. 

Now it is Millie's turn to comfort Vash as he blinks back tears. 

~*~

They speak of many other things. Vash tells Millie that he couldn't return Meryl's feelings not only because of his feelings for Nicholas, but also because Meryl reminded him too much of Rem. Millie asks who Rem is. 

Vash tells her. 

He tells Millie about Rem Saverem, and his early life with his twin brother, Knives. He tells her of what happened to the city of July twenty-three years before he met her. 

Millie does not judge him. 

~*~

One night, as they are sitting side-by-side watching the sun set, Vash teaches Millie how to sing the song Rem always sang to him. 

~*~

_So...   
hitotsu-me no yoru ni izuko kara koishi ga sekai ni ochiru..._

~*~

It has now been five years since Nicholas D. Wolfwood died. 

Vash the Stampede and Millie Thompson have been married for seven months. They are expecting their first child - doctors say the child is a boy - in three months. Meryl Stryfe has promised to be the child's godmother. 

They will name their son Nicholas. 

_~ End ~_


End file.
